Imagine a lonely little kid with some paper and a pen swiped off someone’s desk sitting in bed pondering the words that could untangle the chaos she lives in. She takes refuge in books. Their stories transporting her to a world that makes sense. A world that she can understand. A world she can count on.
It’s always been my dream to write a book. To see that book circle the globe. But it didn’t seem like a possible dream. Just a pie in the sky dream. Not something that could actually be attained. Unless I suddenly gained the power to form a rope that could lasso the stars. Snatch one from the sky as a powerful church choir urges me onward. That is the holy reverence I reserve for authorship.
My Story Toward Publication
In 2011, I had two babies, and while I closed my practice voluntarily, I felt like a house hostage. Stuck at home with two incredible little ones that I loved fiercely but could never leave, even for a few hours. It’s hard to explain the wonderous awesomeness that is motherhood and the never-ending drudgery that slams against you on a daily basis. Suffice it to say, I felt myself slipping away. I was a mom and that was supposed to be enough. But it just…wasn’t. Not for me. I felt there was still so much more I wanted to do. And so, while they slept, I began writing again.
On my son’s first birthday, I ended up in the emergency room and unexpectedly made friends with my attending physician. We both had littles and made plans for a play date. This is an important part of my story because it turns out her mother was an author. Charlene Costanzo urged me onward.
In 2013, I joined the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators and drove myself to Miami to attend my first conference with this immensely supportive organization. It was there that I made other writer friends and met Joyce Sweeney who was a writing coach at the time. Through Joyce’s online classes and mentorship, I learned almost everything I needed to know about writing stories for children and young adults. At the conference, I entered my first picture book manuscript for a critique, a four-thousand word epic about one of my childhood adventures. The lovely author I had been paired with, Gloria Rothstein, asked me to tell her about myself. I ended up word-vomiting about my traumatic childhood. She said I should write about that. I said, “You want me to write a picture book about mental illness?” She said, “No, you should write a novel.” I looked down at my four page picture book manuscript, which she had asked nothing about, and said, “But, aren’t they really long?” And that’s when she said the most wonderful thing. She said, “You can do it.”
So, in 2014, I finished my very first young adult manuscript about something very personal in my younger life. A year later, after querying two hundred agents, I got one YES! And after two years of submitting, my agent got a contract on that story!
But my road to publication didn’t end there. I decided to pass on that contract because they were only going to print one hundred copies. That would only be enough for my family and friends. I had survived so much. I needed my story to get into the hands of people who needed to hear it and well, one hundred copies just wasn’t going to be enough.
Truth be told, my writing wasn’t good enough to be worthy of a better contract than the one I was offered. I felt like I hit a wall. I decided to go back to school to fill in my gaps. In July 2022, I earned my MFA in Writing for Children and Young Adults at the Vermont College of Fine Arts. It was there I learned the skills to make my writing really shine. I can’t say enough about the highly-skilled authors there who share their knowledge so generously with their advisees. I had the privilege of studying under David Macinnis Gill, Sheela Chari, Linda Urban, Louise Hawes, Amy Sarig King, An Na, Alan Cumyn, Jennifer Ziegler, and Martine Levitt. The program is rigorous and wonderful, broken into four semesters and five residencies with packets due every month, and much reading required. In fact, we had to turn in a final biography of our reading list for graduation. Mine contained 345 books! I truly felt, and continue to feel, ready to write for traditional publication.
After graduation, I got a new agent. The amazing writing coach I had met twelve years ago was now agenting! And they still loved my work! I feel deeply grateful to Joyce Sweeney for championing my stories.
If you’ve written a book and really want to get it out there, the first step is querying agents. The querying process, in my opinion, is the best way to make your work shine. When you get those rejection letters with feedback–pure gold!–look at what they have to say. Make changes. Learn more. Revise, revise, revise. Start something new. Revise that. This is the process. Make friends with it. You’ll be here forever. Even after publication, revision never stops. I love revising! It’s one of my favorite things. I love to see just how good I can make it.
Have patience with yourself and others. Getting an agent is hard. Agents receive around ten thousand queries each year, and last stats I heard, accept about one new client from that. So the odds are difficult but not impossible. You could be that One!
The submission process for publication is another complicated step. One that thankfully, your agent handles. It can take anywhere from a few weeks to years. During that time, write something new. Have lunch with friends. Learn a new hobby. I enjoy bouncing around from art to music to family stuff. You’ll find your own rhythm. Most importantly, write because you can’t not write. Write for yourself.
I needed survival stories when I was younger. This is why I write what I write. I’m still not published. But publication isn’t everything. While publication remains one of my most sacred dreams, the act of writing has been introspective for me. Therapy. It’s helped me sort out so many things that didn’t make sense in my childhood. It’s helped me become a healthier adult. It’s allowed me to give myself and others grace for letting me down. For not being perfect. It’s helped me find forgiveness for my family of origin even though they hurt me. Writing has helped me find a deep well of love and has taught me to love myself. Writing has set me free.
Currently, my agent has one of my contemporary, young adult novels out on submission.
I’ve also finished a chapter book about twin nine year-old boys, and a young adult verse memoir, among other projects.
For any of you reading with a similar dream of becoming published, just know that it’s a long and windy road, but like Gloria Rothstein told me, “You can do it.”
